2. How many personal values should you have?

There is only so much our human mind can actively and conciously keep at its forefront. Prioritising too many things, and on this matter, values, can be impractical. It lead to forgetting them or not fully utilizing their potential.

Having too few values might fail to encompass the diverse aspects of who you are. Although the ideal number of personal values varies from person to person, in practice and through our conversations with coaches having over 3 decades of experience recommend focussing on 3 - 5 values.

3 - 5 values are enough to:

Represent core principles across different areas of life (e.g., work, relationships, personal growth).

Provide a framework for evaluating priorities and decisions.

Offer clarity and focus without overwhelming complexity.

Is manageable for self-awareness and reflection.

Prevents over-complication when making decisions.

3. Which personal values are good and which are bad?

We found Mark Manson's framework a practical synthesis and easier to understand for the general reader. It reflects broader themes present in academic literature, particularly within the fields of psychology and behavioral sciences regarding the nature and impact of personal values. He defines:

Evidence-Based vs. Emotion-Based Values - Academic Perspective:

Many individuals rely heavily on emotions to guide their decisions, often without conscious awareness. However, cognitive psychology emphasizes the importance of basing choices and values on empirical evidence rather than emotions alone, as emotional biases can distort perception and impair decision-making [2].

Psychological studies reveal that emotions frequently drive our actions and decisions, often taking precedence over logic or factual information. These emotions are typically self-centered, inclined to favor immediate gratification over long-term benefits, and can sometimes be skewed or unrealistic [3].

Living a life driven solely by emotions often feels like running on a treadmill—always seeking more but never truly satisfied. To break free from this cycle, it’s crucial to identify something greater than our feelings—something worth enduring discomfort or hardship for. This "greater cause" often aligns with what we call our purpose.

Discovering purpose is a profound journey that can significantly enhance our well-being. Yet, it cannot be based solely on what feels good in the moment. Purpose must be approached with thoughtful reasoning and supported by evidence. Without this foundation, we risk chasing illusions rather than meaningful goals.

Constructive vs. Destructive Values - Academic Perspective:

Research on personal values and well-being indicates that values fostering personal development, social harmony, and overall well-being are considered constructive. In contrast, values that result in harm or conflict are deemed destructive [4].

It’s essential to avoid valuing things that cause harm to ourselves or others and instead prioritize values that promote growth and positive impact. While this seems straightforward, distinguishing between what facilitates growth and what causes harm can often be complex. For instance, pushing yourself during exercise may cause temporary discomfort but ultimately leads to increased strength and resilience. On the other hand, overtraining without proper recovery could result in physical harm. Similarly, striving for excellence in a career can drive personal growth, but when pursued without balance, it may lead to burnout or strained relationships [5].

The line between growth and harm is often blurred, as they can manifest as two sides of the same coin. This is why the motivation behind a value is often more significant than the value itself. For example, valuing a skill like public speaking could be harmful if driven by a need to manipulate others, but it becomes constructive if aimed at inspiring and educating. Ultimately, it is the underlying intention that determines whether a value contributes to growth or harm [4].

Controllable vs. Uncontrollable Values - Academic Perspective:

The concept of locus of control in psychology distinguishes between values and goals that individuals can influence (internal locus) and those that lie beyond their control (external locus). Prioritizing values within one's control is linked to improved psychological outcomes and greater well-being [6].

When we place too much importance on things outside our control, we risk giving away our sense of agency and direction. For example, money often serves as a classic case. While we can influence how much money we earn, we cannot entirely control external factors such as economic downturns, industry disruptions, or unforeseen emergencies. If one's sense of purpose is solely tied to accumulating wealth, events like financial loss due to unforeseen circumstances, such as medical emergencies, can leave not only monetary voids but also a loss of life purpose [7].

On the other hand, values like creativity, diligence, or a strong work ethic are inherently controllable. Focusing on these values not only fosters personal growth but can also lead to financial success as a byproduct. The key is to ensure that our values remain within our sphere of influence. When we rely on uncontrollable factors, we risk being dominated by them, undermining our autonomy and well-being [6].

Many of us are unaware of our core values. We rarely take the time to consciously identify what truly matters to us. Without this clarity, we often fall back on default values shaped by societal norms, cultural expectations, and media influences. Instead of living in alignment with our personal principles, we unknowingly adapt to values imposed by the world around us.

In today’s fast-paced society, these default values often revolve around:

- Physical appearance
- Wealth
- Material success
- Social status
- Competition

When these external benchmarks become the unconscious foundation for how we live, they frequently lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and disconnection. Over time, this can contribute to mental health struggles such as depression, addictive behaviors, and a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction.

This highlights the importance of taking the time to reflect on and define what is truly meaningful to us as individuals. Clarifying our values is not just an exercise in self-awareness—it’s a necessary step toward reclaiming control of our lives and choosing a path that fosters fulfillment, resilience, and genuine well-being.

5. How do I find my personal values?

There are three effective approaches we recommend as scientists to uncover your personal values, depending on the time and resources you’re willing to invest:

1. 1. Self-Reflection
      Take time to reflect on your experiences, priorities, and beliefs. Use our comprehensive list of values as a guide to identify those that resonate most with you. You can download this here. 
      Estimated Time: ~8 hours

   
   

   2. Work with a Professional Coach
      Partner with a coach experienced in values-based development. They can guide you through exercises and discussions to help clarify your core values and align them with your goals. You can email us to contact our vetted coaches.
      Estimated Time: Several weeks

   
   

   3. Use a Scientific Assessment
      Opt for a well-researched, scientifically validated assessment designed to pinpoint your core values quickly and accurately. You can use the world's most rigorously validated scientific assessment provided by us here. 
      Estimated Time: ~10 minutes

Each method offers its own advantages, so choose the one that best fits your needs and commitment level.

6. How to live your personal values?

Simply thinking about what your values are and to live by is a good starting point, but true transformation only happens when you actively embody those values. Values aren’t cemented through abstract thinking or fleeting emotions—they are built through consistent action and life experience. To make a value stick, you must live it.

This process often requires courage. Living by a new value can feel uncomfortable, especially when it challenges your existing habits or beliefs. Change can be intimidating, but stepping out of your comfort zone is the only way to truly grow and align with the values you want to embody.

Take, for example, the desire for authentic relationships. It’s easy to wish for deeper connections, but it can be hard to actually live in a way that fosters them. Fear often holds us back. We might avoid vulnerability, make excuses, or postpone the effort for “next time.” But until we face that fear, we risk missing out on the genuine relationships we long for.

Everyday Scenarios: Living By Your Values

1. Decision-Making
Scenario: You’re offered a higher-paying job that requires frequent travel, but one of your core values is Family.
Application: By honoring your value of Family, you may decide to decline the offer, prioritizing quality time with loved ones instead.

2. Conflict Resolution
Scenario: You find yourself in a disagreement with a close friend. Your value of Compassion reminds you to respond with empathy rather than anger.
Application: By staying true to your value, you can improve communication and strengthen the relationship.

3. Personal Growth
Scenario: You deeply value Health, but your busy schedule leaves little room for exercise.
Application: You align your actions with your value by carving out time for morning workouts or weekend hikes, prioritizing your well-being.

A Four-Step Guide to Living Your Values

1. 1. Choose a Value
      Identify a value you wish to prioritize—whether it’s one you already hold or a new one you want to embrace.
   2. Set Goals Aligned with the Value
      Create specific, actionable goals that reflect this value in your daily life.
   3. Make Decisions that Reflect the Value
      Ensure your choices consistently align with the goals tied to the value.
   4. Experience the Rewards
      Take note of the emotional and physical benefits that arise from living your value. These positive experiences will reinforce your commitment to it.

Why It’s Worth the Effort

Living by your values isn’t always easy. It may require stepping outside your comfort zone, taking risks, or even making sacrifices. You might have to make challenging decisions, such as leaving behind a career that no longer aligns with your beliefs or upsetting others who don’t share your priorities.

However, the rewards of living authentically are undeniable. When you align your actions with your values, you’ll experience a sense of fulfillment and purpose. Over time, what once felt daunting becomes second nature, and you’ll likely wonder why you didn’t make the change sooner. It’s like the sense of accomplishment after a tough workout or the relief of being honest with yourself and others—it feels undeniably right.

By actively living your values, you’re not only reshaping your life but also discovering a deeper, more authentic version of yourself. The journey may be challenging, but the destination is worth it: a life that feels true to who you really are.